Jack Barmby, 21 year old winger kicking around in the Leicester City juniors program right now, is expected to make a move on a one year loan to the Portland Timbers according to the Oregonian. The Timbers, who lost Rodney Wallace and need depth on the wings will be happy as a portsfellow stopping for a mid day tea and crumpet. I literally have no idea how to sound British.

Before you get too jacked up about a young Premier League fella making the leap to the MLS, let’s figure out the puzzle that is Jack Barmby.

  • Barmby is from Harlow, UK. Harlow is near a few places you’ll likely recognize, such as Hertfordshire, Bedfordshire, Cambridgeshire, and Buckinghamshire. WTF, United Kingdom?
  • Barmby’s dad is English soccer “legend”, Nick Barmby. This guy hopped around the Premiership for quite some time and got a bunch of caps with the English Nat’l team. So, I guess that means something?
  • Jack has gotten some international experience playing for the various U-## teams in England but hasn’t been called up to the senior squad
  • He has bounced around several different youth programs in England (Hull, Man United, now Leicester) and most recently has been on loan to two different clubs in the past year and only made 7 appearances. Hmm, the USA is looking pretty good.
  • Barmby is a winger/forward and has scored zero goals in the premier league OR Championship (league below premier league) at the age of 21 in 2 total appearances (both in Championship for Rotherham United). He’s made 5 appearances this year in League 2 (two leagues below premier league) and has zero goals. As a comparison, some dude named Rashford is 18 and has scored 4 goals for Manchester United in his first three ever games. Not a fair comparison really, or is it? They were both in the Manchester United youth program between 2008 and 2013 and Barmby clearly didn’t show enough to stay there.

On a positive note, here’s what the Timbers have to look forward to, these are his five ever goals in competition (all 5 from his 2013 stint with League 2 squad Hartlepool United). A few of the touches are pretty decent, especially the first one.  Also, in the second one, check out the guy just laying with his hands out like superman on the ground trying to draw the foul. Ahhh, League 2, how you make us laugh.

So that will wrap it up. Don’t mean to bash on the kid but it seems like his Premier League days might be numbered. His contract with Leicester ends this summer and the Timbers definitely could use the help. The Timbers are likely getting him very cheap until summer and even then his contract will probably be light to buy out. Hopefully, for Jack and the Timbers, this is a match made in Heavenshire.  He is still young enough though where he might hit his stride in the next couple of years, work his way to a starting position in the MLS, and even be sellable back to the Prem at 24/25. Or who knows, maybe he’ll have a long and strong MLS career. He certainly has some pedigree to at least hang your hopes on.

“I literally slept standing against a tree last night man so don’t f*ck with me right now, ok?” – Barmby after a big night out in Lemonbagelshrimpshire, UK.