Pre-season is about to wrap up with the beginning of the MLS 2017 season less than two weeks away. During that time the stars of the league have been pretty active showing off their new contract money (or lack of it), and Hoff has scoured the dirty dirty internet to find you the best and worst outfits of the MLS. Here are the best dressed MLS players…and the worst.
Let’s start off with some solid looks you can pull off even if you’re not an MLS stud.
Easy look from Kaka. Sweatshirt, sunglasses, supermodel.
NYCFC guy Khiry Shelton making the rocker thing look breezy. Tee shirt + leather jacket + chain = just barely not trying too hard. Earing? It’s 2017 do your thing.
First off, of course Pirlo played golf when he was in AZ for pre-season. Second, learn how to wear golf pants like the master. Thin and tapered without looking absurd, the perfect panting for the perfect maestro. Maestrorific.
If you’re going to slum it up by wearing a tee shirt in your own house like a peasant, you better do it like AJ DeLaGarza does. “Futbal Over Everything” in a classic black with white bold print. If you don’t look like you own a Brooklyn pickle shoppe at any given moment in your own home then you are doing it wrong. If you’re from Queens, we have some help for you.
Now THIS is how you dress down for a casual evening at home. Only question I have is why Mikey Lopez’s Christmas tree is still up on Valentine’s day? But seriously folks, this is a solid look that you can rock without too much fear of looking like an asshole. Be wary of the slimness of the jeans though, unless you are Mikey Lopez skinny, you better billow that pillow a lil bit. (Editors note: If you don’t know what that means then you are not alone)
This is on the cutting edge of being difficult to pull off, but if you can, don’t you want to look as good as this dapper gentleman? Tim Howard may be the only person in America able to rock cargo pants with no questions asked, but overall, this is a great getup.
Ok now here’s a few looks that are tougher to pull off but if you do it with confidence you will be the king of the castle. Just be careful, very careful.
Robbie Rogers just kills suits. Unless you are a professional athlete, don’t eat food regularly, or have recently joined Planet Fitness, it’s going to be tough to pull off a suited look this sharply tailored…but I believe in you.
Kei Kamara crushes this suit. It’s a bit more casual and unique than Robbie Rogers’ typical GQ bit, and I can def get down with it. That shirt placket, collar, and pocket square combo move is where it’s at. Not too many peeps can pull this look off, but do your thing if you can.
Ronald Matarrita has an interesting thing going on here. You could try this, sure, but don’t be surprised when you look less like an international soccer player and more like an international house of pancakes. This is a very tough one to pull off and I wouldn’t recommend it unless you are a current professional athlete or are hitchhiking to Pleasure Island.
It’s not so much that this is a tough look to pull off for Sebastian LLetget, it’s that if the average Joe (you, most likely) does it wrong you’ll look like a 90’s era mobster who loves deli meats. Only attempt this if one of these things are true: You are Sebastian Lletget or a similar level star, You love yourself, comfort, and don’t give a damn what others think, or you are not looking to make friends.
Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes you gotta schlep it up and just rock whatever the hell you want to because who cares, but there’s a time and a place for looking sharp. TV appearances, dinner with fam, galas, date night, etc. Next up, what not to do:
Look, sometimes you just gotta rock a hoodie, but the pants choice here, just what the hell man. Here’s a tip, if you are just wandering about a random town in Europe, don’t wear these. Maybe he was recently attacked by a tiger? Save the absurdly torn jeans for floor seats at the Lakers. Or maybe just don’t wear them with a corny sweatshirt.
I hate to say it, but JMo tried on this and fell short. The button down polo? Very solid. The grandpa sweater cardigan? Starting to lose me. The khaki’s with this getup? Ok we’re done here. Sorry Jmo, you’ll get there
Here’s another pro tip: if women will be wearing gowns, don’t dress like the badass 8th grader who wears a varsity jacket over his school uniform. Class it up a little bit here Jozy, c’mon.
And finally, here’s one that you need some serious confidence to pull off, but I have a feeling Kei Kamara isn’t lacking there. By all means, do your thing, man.