It has been a devastating week in the civilized soccer world with mass attacks on innocent soccer fans in France by thuggish brainrotted lumps of human trash. This, on top of another example of a seemingly routine occurrence of mass gun violence here in the United States by a deranged individual, has the Real Soccer Expert seriously depressed. The LGBT community, which is routinely targeted for their beliefs, fell victim to ignorance and hate, and Real SE stands with those who stand for love. While there is no easy fix to the deep rooted issues at the base of these violent acts, we can at the least distract ourselves with the game we love and use it as a catalyst for change. So here’s some advice for those who know wrong from right but find themselves following the crowds in fear of not looking “cool” to their ignorant dimwit friends who will likely top out in life after their first paycheck from the prison library: Don’t participate. Speak up. Don’t punch random strangers. Get new friends. Move to another country. Listen to Abba. Don’t be what your mother would call an asshole. And whatever you do, don’t be a Pepe fan. 

The fact that a Russian Football Association official publically encouraged their putrid garbage of a fake-fanbase in Marseilles to continue brutalizing and terrorizing fans of the game makes me want to discontinue my allegiance to the World Cup, which occurs there in 2018. A way too high ranking Russian FA official, who is likely the guy at parties who brings napkins, said that French police were not prepared to handle their thugs because the force is used to protecting the LGBT community and not “normal” men. This is a deplorable excuse for human behavior FIFA and UEFA need to discourage this with extreme measures, and if that means making Russia’s soccer officials listen to all of Alexi Lalas’ albums in a row on repeat for the next six months, locked in a room, with Joachim Löw repeatedly scratching their balls and smelling it. 

Now granted, it wasn’t only Russian “fans” in the fray, but the fans doing the majority of the indiscriminate attacking were reportedly mostly Russians, and also reportedly trained in mass destruction of human faces, and were then publically congratulated by Russian officials. There needs to be deeper digging into what went down and who is to blame, but no matter who falls on the sword for this it cannot be tolerated. 

Rant over. Real SE is so perturbed I can’t even finish my quinoa crisps.