Who is Maximiliano Urruti? Glad you asked. Hey, what’s up, it’s Hoff. Each week I’m going to bring you a breakdown of someone from the MLS. This segment is called “Who’s this dude?” and it’s going to get REAL.

If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a thousand times, Maximiliano Urruti has the best name in the MLS. It rolls off the tongue both figuratively and literally. Say it. Now say it with the flair it deserves. It’s a golden name, and even better it comes attached to a golden goal scoring machine. FC Dallas already had a steady attack when Maxi came to town this past offseason after Portland decided not to renew his contract. Too expensive they said. Too many syllables in his name for our pac-northwest accents to handle they said. Too much hair-attitude they said. Well guess what, Maxi Don’t Care (trademarking that) and the FC Dallas attack is nearly unstoppable now. So who is this bad-boy of fancy first names? Let’s dig in…

Full Name: Maximiliano Nicolás Urruti Mussa, 25. Boom. That’s a doozy right there and well deserved if I say so myself. Whoever came up with the name Maximiliano all those years ago, well done to you Mam or Mister. I’m going to go with Mam. I think if stodgy old white guys were tasked with coming up with names for everyone on earth there’d be 3 billion Freds. Also, “Three Billion Freds” is a great 90’s rock band name.

Here’s Urruti while still on Portland turning a defender into a Fred. Seriously wtf is going on here.

Country of Origin: Argentina. Argentinians have been known to give birth to some outstanding footballers, and of course our boy Maximiliano here is one of them. But what’s shocking is that despite his talents and accomplishments, he has yet to break into the Argentinian National Team. Messi, come book your flight to Dallas, buddy.

Defining Features: Hair that reaches towards the heavens and screams “DYE ME OR GIVE ME DEATH”. sharp chin, sharper elbows, quick feet.

Mauro Diaz cannot literally believe it. It’s MaximiliF’ngano Urruti

So Guess what, Maxi boy just scored a brace in the US Open Cup 2016 Finals, and he’s a happy man for it:

Career Accomplishments: This is one of the rare WTD (Who’s This Dude) posts where we don’t have a laundry list of accolades, trophies (though he just added one), and lifelong dedications to a particular hairstyle. Ok maybe we do have that last one, but still it’s not like Maxi has been lighting it up forever. But the reason I wanted to give him a little love on the HotFooty WTD segment is because this guy has had an interesting path to the goal-scorer he’s become on FC Dallas and we called him out as one of the top transfers before the season started.

Maxi didn’t join a senior squad until 2011 when he was transferred from Newell’s Old Boys Youth club to the senior squad. He only got 57 appearances over 3 years on the senior squad, though he seems to have made the most of it with 12 goals and some interest from clubs in late 2012. In 2013 he was part of the Newell’s OB squad that made the Copa Libertadores semi-final which is a pretty huge deal. It’s like the Champions League of South American clubs. He also won the Argentine Final Championship (though lost in the Super final) that same year. Here’s a decent highlight reel from back in the day, notice the dedication to the high hair:

Next up we saw Maxi move to Toronto FC in August of 2013, where he made a whopping two appearances before being traded to Portland for some random dude named Bright Dike (seriously) and a Super Draft pick in 2015 and a roster spot. Very solid pickup for Portland, as he then went on to score 15 goals in 65 appearances, with some crucial ones down the stretch in 2015 for Portland’s run to the MLS Cup. Here’s some of his best goals there:

You have to watch this one simply because it’s one of the greatest broadcast calls of one of his goals ever. Also a great volley:

So how do the Timbers repay our man in form Urruti? By not renewing his contract. They were worried it’d be too expensive and were banking on the offseason to solidify their offense. Worked out GREAT! Obvious sarcasm here, as they have been abysmal at scoring goals this year and are struggling to stay above the red line. Worked out great for Dallas though. Maxi went to the MLS Re-entry draft where he was selected first by FC Dallas. In only 25 appearances he’s got 7 goals and that doesn’t count the US Open and Champions League stats. Let’s not forget the brace he scored in the US Open Cup final. So congrats to our guy Maximilian Urruti. Onwards and upwards. I’m talking about his hair of course.

I’ll leave you with this incredible 20 questions interview Maxi did with Toronto when he first arrived. Biggest fear, HORROR MOVIES?! Biggest dislike in the world? CUCUMBERS. Biggest dislike about himself? HIS HAIRY LEGS. WTF! There’s a bunch of gems in here.