Who is Nemanja Nikolic? Glad you asked. Hey, what’s up, it’s Hoff, and it’s been a while but I’m back with a profile of MLS star Nemanja Nikolic. I”ll get into all the deep stuff, so sit back, relax, and practice a Serbian accent.

So it’s been a little while since we’ve written a “Who’s this dude,” and the main reason has been laziness and the fact that we’ve been focusing on the podcast. But guess what, Nemanja Nikolic came along and scored 14 goals before the all-star break of the 2017 MLS season, and I said “I must draw you.” So I’m about to break down just about everything you need to know about the Serbian stud.

Full Name: Nemanja Nikolic, 29. Here’s a fun fact, he doesn’t have a middle name and was born on the last day of 1987. TBH I’m kind of disappointed in his lack of multiple names, but I’ll give his parents the benefit of the doubt here due to that phenomenal first name. It’s pronounced NEM-AHN-YA NEECK-O-LICH and it’s fantastic. This is exactly the type of name I’d pronounce wrong on the podcast for about two months.

Country of Origin: Serbia. Serbia is known for originating the notion of vampires, producing a shitload of raspberries, and growing tall dashing tennis players, but did you know they’re actually pretty insane about footy and have produced a few pretty famous players. Ever hear of Nemanja Vidic? BTW they are basically mostly named Nemanja and all have last names that end in “ic.” Also, do you even know where Serbia is? I bet you don’t, but now you do, and I bet you’re surprised aren’t you?

Defining features: STRONG emotions. This guy has all the looks you could need. Pure disgust. Orgasmic pleasure. Breathtaking sadness. Scary Joy. I’ve cataloged them for you below in that order.

“I’m going to spit in your tacos, dirty hobo” – Nemanja chatting with Chicago Captain, Dax

“Ahhhhhhh. Rasppppppberriesssss” – Nemanja “chatting” with Dax

“It’s not your fault! It’s not your faaaaauuuulltttttt” – Nemanja after De Leeuw’s shoe came undone

“I’m so happy I’m going to punch you in the nutsack!” – Nemanja found De Leeuw’s shoe

Career Accomplishments: Well, for starters, he’s leading the MLS in goals in his first year in the league and already has 14 goals in 17 games before the all-star break. Not too bad. But where was he before this semi-historic MLS run? Surprisingly not in any team you’ve ever heard of, but he sure racked up some stats while he was there. He also might hold the record for playing for the most team names that are awesome.

He started his pro career in Hungary and stayed there for most of his 20’s. First for Barc, then Kaposvolgye and Kaposvar where he really took off. He scored 11 in 14 games for Kapos#1 then 30 in 47 for Kapos#2. That’s when things really got interesting for him, scoring 87 goals in 149 for Videoton between 2010-2015. In 2014 he set the league record for scoring in 12 straight games. This led to the Polish league teams taking notice. The league is amazingly named Lotto Ekstraklasa, which probably means extra ketchup, and he went to the team Legia Warsaw. There he scored 40 goals in a stunningly low 56 games. That’s 171 goals before even turning 29 or joining MLS. Pretty insane.

He’s played 23 games for the International squad Hungary, choosing to play there instead of Serbia. Hungary is currently ranked 33rd compared to Serbia’s 50 (June 2017) Surprisingly he only has 4 goals from them, but he did have a pretty glorious moment for the country when in the 2016 Euros he drove into the box and created the own goal equalizer against surprise-upstart Iceland in the dying minutes.

Here’s some highlights of his time overseas in Poland. Be warned, the soundtrack is horrendous so go ahead and mute it:

HEre’s some highlights of his first 10 goals in the MLS. This soundtrack is considerably better and there’s a quote from him to kick it off:

Here’s a hint as to his mentality, his first quote in the video is how he needs the goals. Scored 10 in his first 11 games, I’d say that’s pretty much neeeediing the goals.

And finally here’s a very solid highlight reel from his 2014-2015 season with Videoton set to some very Euro beats by Dutch DJ duo Vicetone which I didn’t totally mind:

Congrats to the fire on picking up this goal scoring maniac, and hopefully we’ll get to see him score many many more in the years to come