March 6, 2016: MLS Week 1 – 2016

LA Galaxy 4-1 DC United

As predicted, Galaxy spanked United at home but the game didn’t always seem like it was going to head that direction. Things changed though when a certain superhero by the name of Mike F’n Magee came on at half time for the Galaxy and laid waste to the land of soccer.

  • DC United looked about forty times as prepared as LA Galaxy for the first half of this game. They were better to the ball, on the ball, away from the ball, being the ball. Ashley Cole looked like he was born about 3 seconds too late and the Galaxy offense couldn’t get anything going.
  • Lamar Neagle started for DC United and the pick paid off almost immediately in the match. He picked up a loose ball from a broken Stevie G play, sprinted into the box with it and unleashed a tepid shot that LAG keeper Dan Kennedy should have done much better with. Poor start for LA.
  • Kennedy was either embarrassed, injured, or gassy because he called to be subbed off not long after the goal. Brian Rowe came on for him.
  • Both Keane and Zardes missed huge chances from their noggins about 7 minutes into the second half. A cross from rising star Sebastion Lletget from the right side was headed down by Keane, bounced just in front of net and popped up to hit the cross bar. The ball was sent back out to the coner and another cross came in this time with Zardes dialed in to it. He put a forceful header straight at the DC keeper who made the save.
  • 2 minutes later absolute mayhem in the box broke out with players falling all over each other. Somehow nothing was called but it resulted in a corner for Galaxy. The ball was whipped in by none other than Mike F’n Magee and the run of Steres was timed perfectly and he rocketed a header right into the back of the net. Not much DC’s keeper, Andrew Dykstra, could go do about it.
  • 3 minutes after that United had an absolute golden chance go to waste when Neagle sent a great ball in to Deleone who ripped a long shot which had Rowe beat but it slammed off the left post. That would basically be it for United’s big chances.
  • Mike Magee, club and MLS legend, had an absolute beauty of a goal in the ’65 minute. Bringing down a cross from the right, he half volleyed a chip catching Dykstra too far out of net. Great goal to put LA up by 1.
  • Cole, who was basically the equivalent of a tub of glue sticks in the first half, played a LOT better in the second half. He also put through Mike Magee with a great pass which resulted in a drawn penalty when DC keeper Dykstra decided it was better to foul the crap out of Magee rather than let his missed shot go out of bounds harmlessly. Keane buried the resulting penalty kick in the bottom right corner.
  • Mike Magee wasn’t done yet. A free kick drawn by Keane just outside the box was taken by Stevie G who actually put a good ball into the box. I only say actually because for the entire duration of the game up to this point he appeared to be wandering around the pitch looking for cigarettes. Mike Magee, who made his way through the crowd of players like I do trying to get on the F train, head-butted a stranger in the back of the neck to force his way on the train. Wait sorry I got that mixed up, he scored a goal from the set piece by deflecting the Stevie G. free kick past an absolutely exhausted Dykstra. Sorry, Dykstra, you ain’t Lenny.


Mike Magee saw a bird and chased it for 23 minutes at one point during the match, inadvertently scoring two goals, assisting one, and drawing a penalty.