Tuesdays With Morris – Jordan’s Keanu Game
We all saw it. Sunday night Jordan Morris broke knee bones we didn’t even know existed. He single-handedly coined the phrase “knee-plant” and there was no blooming in this version either other than the severe, probably dangerous level of swelling of what somehow turned out to be the most emotionally influential joints in all of Colorado that night.
I’m a guy that appreciates the small things in life. Like when you get the last English muffin and you can just rip open the plastic instead of navigating a twisted up loop held together by a plastic fastener as reliable as the front zipper on your last TSA agent’s dungarees. So when I saw Jordan crash knee first into the frozen tundra Colorado passes off as a soccer field I thought OK nice there’s one for my side. Let me dive into my Morris archives and fire out a quick one liner on his jib-boom swinging starboard losing adequate sail mass to keep forward motion.
Next thing I know Jmo Smooth is up and at em making darting runs into Colorado’s box. Only thing I could think of is he was trying to escape whatever local poisonous insect Jermaine Jones’ hair attracts not realizing what was stinging him were the shards of bone from his shattered patella.
Two more knee plants and a “knee” to knee with some Colorado player (currently being “pursued” by Bruce Arena’s cousins) and Jordan is down and this time it has to be over. 80th something minute, game is basically over and Jordan is writhing in pain near mid-ice.
After hobbling off with assistance Jmo Smooth is making his way back to midfield and flashes a thumbs up. Clearly someone had lied and told him this was his safe word and would get him subbed out. But something or more likely someone was forcing him to stay out there and play the full 90.
So the question is who had Jordan’s family held hostage? Who has it and what exactly do they have on Jordan Morris that forced him to stay on that field like Keanu on the 55 mph bus*? Is it Drew Carey threatening to release a who’s line is it anyway audition tape of Jordan? Is Bruce arena planning a homegrown player charm offensive to reignite the USMNT? Is there an undergrad at Stanford that he lied to and said he was Sean Parker?
Then there is this:
Jordan Morris’ father visited him no less than three times on the field and each time no action was taken other than wrapping a mysterious shroud around one leg and a pat on the back to get back out there.
— Danny Boy (@DannyHotFooty) November 27, 2016
You know who else fell down several times but never gave up with encouragement from a father like figure? Neo from The Matrix. Another Keanu movie. The choices are simple people, either Jordan was staying on the field at all costs to prevent a horrible tragedy or he was playing in this game as a 90 minute dedication to his favorite actor Keanu Reeves’ filmography.
*Of course, the immediate thought is if Jordan is Keanu who is his Sandra?