Can you imagine kicking a ball around on the beach during summer vacation and having Landon Donovan saunter over and say “Can I get in on this?” As a grown man I can’t confidently state what my reaction would be.
My reaction would range somewhere between laughing nervously and cooking up some corny-ass comment.
So, it got me thinking what soccer stars would I want to vacation with and more specifically, which activity would I want to do with them.
#5: Going to Bonnaroo with Alexi Lalas
The Lalas we now know is clean cut and could easily be confused for the guy in “The Beautiful Mind” and “Wimbledon.” He has assumed the roll of the high energy and opinionated guy that is needed in American sports broadcast. Who want’s to see a bunch of english guys tickling each other pink proving who is the greater wordsmith all day.
Anyways, you can shave down the beard and that filthy mop but you can’t kill the hippie within you.
You ever go to a concert and there is some dude just spinning in circles in the corner with a cheshire cat grin. He probably sent the kids to camp and his wife to a spa, scored a brownie and met his buddies up for a Dead show.
I would love to be there when Lalas let’s his proverbial hair down again. Plus he has that broadcast scratch and when the shows over you zip out of the vip lot and go to a sick steakhouse. Nice little weekend trip.
#4: Amsterdam with Kyle Beckerman and Jermaine Jones
Alright maybe I’m being ignorant and presumptuous about this one. Not everyone that has dreadlocks smokes the icky. These are professional athletes after all and they would never smoke this debilitating drug.
Kyle and I could take a class on how to make fair trade soap by day and at night we would go start some nonsense at a bar with Jermaine and throw some slap punches at people who look at us funny.
It would be weird trip…but the giggles would be great.
#3 Wine Tour of Piedmont,Italy with Andrea Pirlo
This would be class on class. Everyone knows Pirlo gets his secret powers and radiant hair strands from silky Barolos. We wake up in the morning and have an espresso before walking to the stylist to get our hair quaffed for a day of sunshine and wine tasting. Hop into a silver Audi A5 and hit the vineyards. At night we would pick up the family with a driver and head to Milan (2hr drive) for the Derby Della Madonnina. You know what we would do for those 2hrs? Sing songs about how great life is. The kids would laugh and our wives would be happy too. So amazing!
Special dinner with my great coach… Thanks so much!! pic.twitter.com/zT3vzpdzzp
— Andrea Pirlo (@Pirlo_official) September 25, 2015
#2: Dublin Pub Crawl with Kevin Doyle and Robbie Keane
I am going to be honest, this trip scares the bejesus out of me. I imagine Robbie Keane is a steady Freddy at the bar and the pints keep coming. Kevin trying to one up his “big brother” by doing Jameo shots. Night fades to black and we wake up for some Irish Breakfast and do it all over again! Basically it sounds a lot like years 21-24 in NYC for me…but with professionals.
The ball breaking would be epic and I would loosen up as the trip went on and roast their asses. But then they would call me a no-talent tit and I would go into a deep depression until we all had a group hug.
I would imagine we would meet family as well and one of their matriarchs would cross-stich me a pillow of the three of us and it would say, “Never Forget Your Friends”.
Update: Kevin Doyle moves the trip to Wexford
@DannyHotFooty substitute in wexford for dublin 😉
— Kevin Doyle (@KevinDoyle1983) July 19, 2016
#1 Boat Trip to Ibiza with Cristiano Ronaldo
Deep down this is my wheelhouse. Danny on a boat is about 5x more clear headed and relaxed than Danny on the golf course. I would be in Aviators the whole time spinning the playlist. I would call up Pitbull to meet us out there. Lay out on the bow of the boat with Victoria, Irina, Stefanine (with an F) just yucking it up like the giggly little cutie-pie accomplice that I am.
I would cut Cristiano down with jokes like “You shave your chest before or after you wax your v…?” He would love it because everyone kisses his ass. Girls would be like ” Who is this guy talking to Ron Ron like that?”
Then I would beg him to dock the boat in town to pick up some ladies and he would say “you know I’m not into that Danny.” I would say, “Cristiano, do it for CrisDanAldo! We are team.” He would say “Yea, and your on the bench.”
I would cut up some Manchego throw that on a platter with grapes and hand feed him after because the only way I would be allowed on this boat is as his servant.
No, but seriously, if I am with Cristiano Ronaldo in Ibiza I would summon my spirit animal, the remora eel, and take his scraps the entire time. Oh, Cristiano your not into red heads? Allow me to introduce myself my name is Daniele and I met Cristiano while on business. What company do I work for? I am one of the founders of HotFooty. What is that? We are huge in the Carolinas. Wait where are you going?