The world is a confusing place right now. USMNT is out of the World Cup. I can’t get my mind around it. The Boy Scouts are allowing girls to join. I was told recently that I am a cisgender, which means I identify with my birth sex. I watch Project Runway more than MMA. What am I?  Up is down and down is up.

I am not a sociologist and I am an average philosopher at best. I don’t claim to know the answers.

What I do know is that I am in need of some solid ground. I needed something stable. I looked to a familiar place where everything makes sense…the world of English Soccer Mascots. The first mascot I research is this guy:

Lofty the Lion 

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Team: Bolton Wanderers F.C. (est. 1874)

Town: Bolton,Greater Manchester, England

Home: Macron Stadium (Capacity: 28,723)

League: English League Championship

Current Position (as of Oct 15th 2017): 24th…Last Place

Key Features:  …a monkey

Well Shit! The Bolton Wanderers are calling this Monkey a Lion? I know a lion when I see one (ex: Bella the Lion from Aston Villa).

His trademark dance is literally swinging his arms like a barrel of monkeys.

Thanks a lot Mascot Monday, thanks a lot universe!

Bolton Wanders picked up there first win of the season last week against the perenial playoff darlings Sheffield Wednesday.

Let us not forget that Sheffield Wednesday is the home of HotFooty favorite Ozzie the Owl…who upon further review looks like a sparrow, so lets not forget what matters: Ozzie and Lofty are both mascots and their species does not really matter (even though Lofty is a monkey).

P.S. President Trump and Lofty have the same barber.



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