Sacha Kljestan Breaks First Rule Of Sneaky Penalties: He Missed It


Not a great showing for Sacha Kljestan. He thought big, planned big, went for the glory and came up woefully short. Similar fates were met by fauxhawks, Backstreet Boys in 2016 or in general any boy band “making a comeback”. If you’re going to go for something big don’t come up short. Pay attention Sacha you may be able to learn from a certain couple of north korean assassins who will remain nameless.

I imagine when Bruce Arena caught wind of this he was none too pleased. Kljestan will be lucky if his only punishment is he doesn’t take penalties for USMNT. More likely he will be on coffee and bagel duty for the next 3 USMNT camps. And believe me the request from Bruce to ensure the coffee comes 1) in a styrofoam cup and 2) from “the nearest deli that also serves ring dings” will be enough to make him think twice about ever taking another penalty like this again.

If I didn’t use this opportunity to bring up the greatest penalty ever taken I’d be doing us all a disservice. And I also prefer to live in a world where Zinedine Zidane is aware of all sneaky penalties being taken around the world. The man has a right to know if anyone will ever top his “mona list of football” in the 2006 world cup final against Italy.

I will leave you with the picture of Sacha right after the penalty was taken. This is the face of a man who bought the fixed gear bike that got a little too popular, or who was duped into picking dunkin donuts as his favorite coffee in the blind taste test held at his weekly coffee palate development meeting.

Sacha Kljestan Penalty