Another week down, another week of world class goals, intrepid goal-keeping, and a couple of “that’s so MLS!” red cards. We saw a double yellow acquired in the amount of time it takes to realize you shouldn’t have eaten that week-old jalepeno popper. We saw Anibal Godoy of SJQ, the other red card recipient this week, sent off against Philly for the kind of decision making you see at Wendy’s at 3 in the morning. Overall, however, the league seemed to be making some smarter decisions this week. Salad for lunch, beer after liquor, not scoring own goal equalizers, Pirlo starting, etc. To give you the highs and the lows, we present to you, the power rankings:

  1. Real Salt Lake (+1): A great win to rear view mirror their poor result last week against LA. Nick Rimando once again showing his worth with some immaculate saves. Near the end he took a point-blank rocket booster square off his eye socket and trooper that he is popped right back up ready to make another save. Thats the kind of toughness that takes your team to the top of the HotFooty power rankings. Also the toughness that loses you an eye but the MLS has always been about fine lines.
  2. LA Galaxy (-1): Always a joy seeing something not go Ashley Cole’s way. Watching him get two yellows in 15 seconds brings an unreasonable amount of satisfaction. LA ended up pulling through for him and kept the score even for the last 20 minutes. Another great goal from dos Santos a sneaky little lefty scoop chip. Unbeaten in 6 now.
  3. Colorado Rapids (–): Gashi earned his Kashi this week and the Rapids came back to tie twice as HotFooty’s favorite MLS scoreline was once again achieved. A strong to quite strong April for the Rapids going 4-1-1 with their only loss against RSL.
  4. Sporting Kansas City (+1): I think Brad Davis surprised himself a bit with his goal against LA. Probably disappointed to only get a point against the Galaxy as they dominated shots and possession and were up a man for 20 minutes. But only 1 shot on goal out of 17? I know medieval catapults with better aim than that.
  5. FC Dallas (-1): FC Dallas are like a married guy with 3 kids that gets to go out a couple times a year. When those days come they go out big. FC Dallas have decided to apply this logic to soccer losses. When Dallas loses they lose big. That’s three on the season now: 5-0, 3-0, 4-0.
  6. Toronto FC (–): Disappointing result. They were let down by their defense that has played so well but somehow managed to get sucked into watching the ball and applied some really poor tackling for the two goals. On any other day they might have had two more goals but some good goalkeeping and not so great finishing denied them.
  7. San Jose ‘Quakes (–): Rescued by a late-game, artfully executed rendition of a San Jose Pasodoble by their winger Simon Dawkins. For the record, no penalties for the Quakes and also no Wondo goals. Coincidence?
  8. Montreal Impact (–): If not for a stoppage time equalizer against defenseless NYCFC they’d have finished the week with 2 losses. Drogba hit a nice free kick in the draw against Colorado, but if he’s not doing that then what is he doing? Winless since Bitchy The Hawk and Toronto FC served them up on a poutine platter.
  9. Philadelphia Union (–): looked like they had this one won, even with 6-yard box resident CJ Sapong missing two sitters from his kitchen. Winning this game could have jumped them up into first in the Eastern Conference, affectionately referred to at the moment as the MLS 2nd Division.
  10. Portland Timbers (+1): Sick free kick, sick goalkeeping by Jake Gleeson. They’ll obviously take the result but I will wager a guess the Portland fans would rate the rest of their performance as more Dunkin Donuts than Stumptown.
  11. Orlando City SC (-1): Floundering a bit without Kaka as they should probably expect to win this game. I don’t know how they scored that second goal and I would wager that Carlos Rivas does not either.
  12. Seattle Sounders (+1): Um, clean it up Stefan Frei. Holy hell. Entertaining game to watch and hats off to Jmo Smooth for now scoring 3 goals in 3 games. I know, Jordan, I’m shrugging in disbelief too.
  13. Vancouver Whitecaps (-1): Watched them play on the baseball field on Saturday. They hit a few balls off the warning track and rounded 2nd a few times but not much else to report. Very forgettable.
  14. DC United (–): Unfortunately for them they had to play in a rectangle of slop in Chicago this week. Started off fairly effective but couldn’t get anything to stick in the Category 2 hurricane conditions. Some credit though for coming back and tying the game up. Put the roller coaster ride of a season into neutral for a week. Expect the upside loop part to show itself in some way shape or form with NYCFC up next.
  15. Columbus Crew (–): Awful start to the season gets worse. How this front 4 doesn’t score more remains a mystery. Might be time for a Kamara swap to shake things up.
  16. New York Red Bulls (+2): Something is clicking and when something clicks you either take it to the Orthopedist or you let it ride. NYRB need to let this ride and show me some more of those fancy free kicks they’ve been working on. Brought me right back to U-14 LIJSL
  17. NE Revolution (-1): That’s 7 draws on the season now. The Revs are slowly morphing into the Bernie Sanders of the MLS. Points for everyone.
  18. NYCFC (+2): One week, two games, four points. It is hard to argue with that output from a team in their position. Not going to say Hotfooty being at both games turned the tides but the scoreboard doesn’t lie. Tight goal from Villa, assisted obviously by Pirlo
  19. Chicago Fire (-2): Here’s what I took from this game: Chicago is the single most volatile weather city there is. As for the Chicago Fire? Tough to get in a rhythm perhaps when you play once every two weeks.
  20. Houston Dynamo (-1): Decent effort, scored first, had a few chances. One win in eight now and 16 goals let in. Firmly planted at the bottom.