MLS Power Rankings – Week 8: a week of showmanship filled games complete with a dollop of referee sass, a sprinkle of head scratching upsets, and a little dash of top notch goal scoring.

  1. LA Galaxy (+4): Hello Hollywood. The ultimate story of overcoming the odds in the face of adversity I think Michael Lewis just bought the script to their last game. Stevie G missing an early penalty, going down 1-0 then finishing off the game with a 5-2 scoreline and a win. Congrats to the high flying Galaxy who now have 2 games in hand on FC Dallas and only trail them by 3 points in the Western Conference. They’re getting it done on both ends of the field.
  2. Real Salt Lake (–): The Salt Lakers enjoy playing at home so their trip to LA was always going to be tough. No Plata and an early injury for Burrito did not help their cause out there. First loss of the season but hopefully they can wrap up Burrito and send him out there for the next game against Houston.
  3. Colorado Rapids (+3): When you have a guy like Gashi delivering delectable crosses into the box you can afford to play a goalie who is trying to re-enact the top plays from the Misty May/Kerri Walsh 2012 London Olympics gold medal run. With Jermaine Jones firing and hero Kevin Doyle returning from having his leg split open like a Maine lobster on Labor Day, this team is tough to beat right now.
  4. FC Dallas (-3): VANQUISHED IN VANCOUVER
  5. Sporting Kansas City (-2): Should probably consider themselves a bit unlucky after not getting a penalty call on the foul on Dwyer. But that doesn’t change the fact they couldn’t convert on the rest of their chances as they were definitely the more dangerous looking team. The attacks were so simple for them Dom Dwyer at one point played on all fours and still got through 3 San Jose defenders. Currently on a ROUGH stretch of 3 straight losses.
  6. Toronto FC (+2): What a treat. Two goals, two vespa revs from Giovinco. Huge win over their rivals from Montreal. The Toronto schools can now go ahead and lift their ban on french fries from the previous couple of losses to the Impact. The offense opened up the spice cabinet and showed us some of the top shelf ingredients. And the defense continues to impress with another shutout. Its hard not to like their chances of climbing to the top of the Eastern conference with several home games in a row coming up.
  7. San Jose ‘Quakes (–): Another game another Wondolowski goal (from a PK). Am I surprised? No. Has he made up for his outrageous behavior in the game against Belgium? Absolutely not. Get back to the garage and sell some more computers.
  8. Montreal Impact (-4): The team has played well against lower quality teams but hasn’t shown up against the big boys. Giving up over twice as many goals away as they do at home screams of getting the tactics wrong. Also, planning your squad around when Drogba’s precious lateral meniscus’ can handle the surface is a leaky faucet level distraction.
  9. Philadelphia Union (–): The Union have a seemingly innate ability to capitalize on other team’s mistakes in front of goal. And the NYCFC waitstaff brought out the expensive China this weekend and served up a couple sitters and to Philly’s credit they pounced as usual. The defense looked a bit stretched at times but Blake didn’t have much to do with only 1 shot landing on target from NYCFC.
  10. Orlando City FC (–): No Kaka but came out swinging with an early goal and an awful no call that could have changed the game in their favor. Ran into a niacin filled buzzsaw this week, no shame in a 3-2 scoreline in that scenario.
  11. Portland Timbers (–): No games this week, no movement this week. Lets see if Borchers learned any new bear hug tackles in the off week
  12. Vancouver Whitecaps (+3): First and foremost what a performance from Vancouver goalie David Ousted. Do you think he has it written into his contract that if the team lets him go they can’t in any way use the word “oust” when delivering the news? No puns, no forms of the word. Has to be.
  13. Seattle Sounders (-1): Looked ugly in defeat with little to cling to despite another goal for Pacific north west messiah Jordan Morris. Seattle collectively had their upper calf split open a la Kevin Doyle and ghost pepper fused premium salt poured in when Brad Evans somehow managed to get two yellows in 20 seconds, each for dissent and thus providing this week’s never before seen moment brought to you by the MLS. Actually, in true MLS style I don’t even think we saw it because they refused to show what happened on the broadcast.
  14. DC United (–): A nice result with a clean sheet as the roller coaster ride continues for DC. An absolute beauty of a goal from Luciano Acosta and some sloppy defense from the Revs sealed this one up for DC.
  15. Columbus Crew (+1): Two wins in a row now and building a head of steam to take them away from the bottom of the table. Still not producing as many goals as you’d like with as talented a front 6 as they have.
  16. NE Revolution (-3): Only their second loss of the season but this was a disheveled performance like a ’02 Seacrest haircut. Showed signs of some things to be excited about with Teal Bunbury and Lee Nguyen and exactly zero signs of anything to look forward to in defense.
  17. Chicago Fire (–): Chicago mercifully had the week off. Fire back into the fire with a winnable game against DC United this coming week.
  18. New York Red Bulls (+2): From the time they went down a goal to eventually taking a 3-1 lead this was a dominating performance in their most recent game against Orlando. Mixed in the middle there was quite possibly one of the most obvious fouls/red cards in soccer history. Ouimette got up after a sliding leg sweep finished off with a culinary herb scissor demonstration looking like a kid with sprinkles all over his face before dinner. The goals were great and it feels like this should be happening way more this season.
  19. Houston Dynamo (-1): Manager Owen Coyle made a bunch of changes for this game, one of them being a first start on the season for goalie Tyler Deric. Goalie Tyler Deric was then promptly sent off for a challenge in the box. Columbus converted the resulting penalty and the rest of the game was fairly predictable. Houston are in a rough spot now, bottom of the league tables with a tough run of games coming up. Not going to say it but think Apollo 13.
  20. NYCFC (-1): We’ve got ourselves a problem and acknowledging it is the first step to recovery. The offense once again looked dangerous but without any actual goals. Like a cannibal without his dentures. Bottom of the barrel.