We’ve got your HotFooty MLS Power Rankings ripe and ready to be plucked. Week 3 saw even more chaotic madness with the Union making big moves and the once great Sounders and Crew continuing their slide down the charts. Tell us in the comments what you think of our juicy rankings.

  1. Sporting Kansas City (+1): We know drama. A nail-biter win over a rapacious Toronto side gives them the edge over Montreal this week. Brad Davis says, “you’re welcome.”
  2. Montreal Impact (-1): Tough loss away against a very good (although oddly beatable) Dallas squad, but since we feel good about this team we’re keeping ’em at two.
  3. LA Galaxy (+3): The Cali Classico victors jump back towards the top of the rankings with a fine showing against a hot-start San Jose team. They couldn’t keep Wondolowski out of net though and that’s gotta subtract some points.
  4. FC Dallas (+3): needed this bounce back win after the Tyson right hook they took last week. Might just be hitting the stride that saw them finish top of the Western conference last season.
  5. Portland Timbers (–): ugly game but an inspired performance from an undoubtedly talented teamLike a pacific northwest version of Susan Boyle. And just like Susan, you have got to love these guys
  6. Toronto FC (-3): falling 3 spots might be a bit much but we’re doing it because we feel they should have won this game. The fact they couldn’t get it done is causing a slight revaluation. Bayes’ Theorem, ever heard of it?
  7. San Jose Quakes (-3): looked a bit overmatched out there but a lot of that had to do with an extremely questionable straight red card at the end of the first half.
  8. NYCFC (–): no change for the boys from the Bronx this time around. This game against Orlando was by far one of the wildest 1-0 finishes I’ve ever seen. The fact no other goals were scored required all the Magic in the Kingdom
  9. New York Red Bulls (–): here’s one: don’t let up 3 goals in a game and we will consider sliding you up. The last time a team moved up after letting in 3 was circa 1995, a U-13 Bantam Saturday morning league team and it was because we won by 11. Full marks to Felipe though on his double snipe, love this guy.
  10. Real Salt Lake (+3): perhaps a bit unlucky with red cards, especially the second. But still found a way to get a 2nd goal and make it very difficult for their opponents to get back in the game. Unbeaten on the season now, but suspensions may hamper their next few matches.
  11. Houston Dynamo (–): the Dynamos from Houston continue to punch above their weight and are scoring goals at will. A few more solid performances needed to crack into the top half here though.
  12. Philadelphia Union (+6): this makes two weeks in a row now with decisive victories – just maybe go out and get yourselves the Matt Le Tissier Penalty Kick Techniques VHS
  13. Vancouver Whitecaps (+1): listen we are not going to say this was a GREAT game from Vancouver but they only gave up 1 goal away against a talented Seattle side and not even the home field FIFA turf advantage could topple them
  14. Columbus Crew (-4): this one is simple, if you’re an MLS soccer team from Columbus and you play an MLS soccer team from Chicago you must win
  15. Orlando City FC (–): spent a Cliff bar’s worth of energy not knocking them down a spot
  16. Colorado Rapids (+1): would have thought a win was a sure thing on the back of the Tim Howard announcement. But this wasnt an awful result away from home and in the end we were treated to some ’80s workout video moves
  17. NE Revolution (-5): this had something more of a Patriots/Eagles game feel to it; the red card was an atrocious foul and the frequency with which penalties were handed out was Chinese take-out menu-esque. A quick word about that Revolution free kick that somehow did not go in: I have no words, I am without speech
  18. Seattle Sounders (-2): robbed on the first PK, correct on the second. It is getting into squeaky bum time for the Sounders with ZERO wins and THREE losses
  19. DC United (–): still winless on the season, and it looks like Steve Birnbaum may have used up his goal alotment for the year back in January against Iceland
  20. Chicago Fire (–): when you’re in the basement you’ve got to climb the stairs to get out. Chicago got two steps up, looked back, saw a slice of deep dish they couldn’t resist, then sat back down on the sectional

 

We’re not terrible!