MLS Power Rankings – Week 29 – It FC Dallas then a 6 team shuffle right behind them. The Supporters’ Shield is going to have some sword dents in it before the end of this.

  1. FC Dallas (–): Going into cruise control late in the season never hurt anyone’s chances at winning the title right?
  2. Toronto FC (+1): Jozy continuing a run of form that can only mean a hamstring pull is imminent.
  3. LA Galaxy (-1): LA doing their part to keep drama high including Stevie G reprising his role of falling over at important moments.
  4. Colorado Rapids (–): After barely scoring any goals they put 3 past Vancouver. They also let up 3. It’s almost like they can’t remember two things at the same time. Or they only have enough energy to play one side of the ball.
  5. NYCFC (–): Yankee Stadium will once again be hosting playoff games. Brillant in left field, Pirlo at shortstop and Mix Field Level section 121
  6. New York Red Bulls (–): The airspace around JFK and Newark airports was mysteriously full upon Montreal’s arrival forcing an LGA landing. Affectionately known as the lily pad on Satan’s lake, the LGA landing was no accident and yet another example of the NYRB front office flexing their muscles.
  7. Real Salt Lake (–): Can they make Plata their designated shooter?
  8. Philadelphia Union (–): Fedex locations around the Philadelphia area were temporarily shutdown due to the overwhelming volume of DVD’s being sent from one Alejandro Bedoya to the residence of Eric Wynalda. DVD content…this
  9. Sporting Kansas City (+2): SKC has one leg in their playoff pants, the other miraculously backheeling balls into the goal.
  10. Portland Timbers (-1): One word to describe the Timbers: they’re just kind of tired.
  11. Seattle Sounders (+1): After Jordan Morris’ second goal the LA fans were seen throwing alcoholic drinks in his direction. Which is a normal thing to do to a celebrating 21 year old but they forgot he lives with his parents and has 4 full sized golden retrievers.
  12. Montreal Impact (-2): Someone check the Terminal C Hudson news stock room for Drogba
  13. DC United (+1): currently occupying the final playoff spot in the East. You can now update your answer to “give me the best description of the MLS” with that fact.
  14. NE Revolution (-1): What’s worse, losing to Columbus while you’re going for the last playoff spot or being a team in New England not called the Patriots or Red Sox.
  15. Vancouver Whitecaps (+2): Their version of really going for it and trying to get into the playoffs was putting a 15 year old out there. They’re like the Chinese Taepai Little League of the MLS
  16. Orlando City SC (-1): I see Orlando went with the MLS equivalent of the unintentional intentional walk against DC. They played, but did they really
  17. San Jose ‘Quakes (-1): The fault has opened and they have fallen in.
  18. Columbus Crew (–): Is there a phrase that is a 100x multiplier of too little too late?
  19. Houston Dynamo (–): Houston is on a two game winning streak. If you’re in need of inspiration look no further.
  20. Chicago Fire (–): official unofficial rename to the Chicago Fire’d.