MLS Power Rankings – Week 27 – the Go Go USA Landon Donovan is back in the MLS edition

  1. FC Dallas (–): The Dallas Steers remain at the top as they were able to put enough padding in between them and the rest of the league. But like Tboz, Left-eye (RIP) and Chili said: they’re gonna Creep, cause he doesn’t know what I do, Yeah yeah
  2. LA Galaxy (+1): Robbie Keane scored a goal Sunday, Dos Santos jumped on his back in celebration. He’s 36 and just back from injury, maybe that’s not what you want to be doing there.
  3. Colorado Rapids (+1): Tim Howard doing a lot of stopping in the FCD game including almost stopping playing in the game after witnessing all the defensive mess in front of him. Final result? Shutout for the Rapids.
  4. Real Salt Lake (-2): Put 1 in the W column for RSL in the name game this weekend. Sunny, Movsisyan, Burrito, Joao, couple Chris’s
  5. Toronto FC (+2): Won a game against Chicago where Jozy Altidore shot and score a goal for the first time with a speed of under 102 mph
  6. NYCFC (-1): 3 goals given up against the Revs in ugly fashion. Usually when people from NYC leave their back this wide open all they get is a bum spitting on them.
  7. New York Red Bulls (-1): Who had more fruitless posts over the weekend: Sacha Kljestan or Buzzfeed?
  8. Philadelphia Union (–): Philly fans heard boo’ing at the end of this disappointing game which I think they also do for wins so
  9. Montreal Impact (–): Montreal has this sort of Je ne sais quite unbelievable ability to look like the worst team in MLS.
  10. Portland Timbers (+1): Watching their win against RSL if you didn’t know any better you’d think they were a decent team last year.
  11. Sporting Kansas City (-1): Listen it was an impressive feat to pull themselves out of the gutter that is giving up a 2 goal lead to the Houston Dynamo. But then blowing the lead a second time..maybe more impressive all around
  12. Seattle Sounders (–): If Seattle wants to make the playoffs, here is an analogy for them –  SJ Earthquakes:Team You Have to Beat as Ryan Lochte:Person Who Almost Got Beat On Live TV On Stage of Dancing With The Stars
  13. DC United (–): We may finally have an equivalent to Tim Howard and it is Bill Hamid + Posts
  14. Orlando City SC (–): Orlando’s week in MLS was like someone going to French part of Epcot on Wednesday then on Sunday saying hey that was such a great time why don’t we try Epcot Fallujah
  15. NE Revolution (+1): Apparently it was giveaway weekend at Gillette Stadium and NYCFC was feeling extra charitable
  16. San Jose ‘Quakes (-1): Calm finish from Wondo. If I said that in N Korea I wouldn’t get me thrown into a prison camp.
  17. Vancouver Whitecaps (–): First win for Vancouver since National Tape Measure Day
  18. Columbus Crew (–): “Kamara scored a goal for the Columbus Crew” –  not the Onion
  19. Chicago Fire (–): We’ll be putting together our case against the Chicago Fire for gross MLS negligence and conspiring to commit field fraud.
  20. Houston Dynamo (–): Junkyard personified. Lot of scrap, a loose defense scheme, and a questionable collection policy