MLS Power Rankings – Week 26 – the answer is yes. the MLS played games this weekend even though there was an active international break.

  1. FC Dallas (–): Officially pulling away from the herd. Dallas is dancin. I imagine they’re doing the Flamenco since it is the dance of a very proud people
  2. Real Salt Lake (–): No game No move
  3. LA Galaxy (+1): A guy named Baggio scored and Dos Santos sneakily scooped one over the goalie from 12 yards out. If this were a script for a light-hearted film noir comedy drama back in the early 2000s Ben Affleck would have jumped all over it
  4. Colorado Rapids (-1): You know who plays the junkie who just hit rock bottom in that Ben Affleck movie above? The Colorado Rapids
  5. NYCFC (+1): The biggest surprise of NYCFC’s game against DC was there were only 2 goals in stoppage time.
  6. New York Red Bulls (+1): Performing their best yeast impression, oven at a steady 300 degrees.
  7. Toronto FC (-2): A preemptive strike on their power rankings with the unfortunate Sebastian Giovinco injury news.
  8. Philadelphia Union (–): If the Rapids are playing the rock bottom junkie then the Union are reprsing Heath Ledger’s Joker role in Dark Knight. A 3-0 loss to Chicago isn’t real, just want to watch their hopes and dreams burn
  9. Montreal Impact (–): All is quiet on the maple front
  10. Sporting Kansas City (–): Got excited when they heard Besler scored a goal then remembered it was for USMNT and it was against musical group St Vincents and the Grenadines
  11. Portland Timbers (–): One may have thought a couple of fresh saplings were sprouting in the Timbers’ season. Then they took a trip down to the Texas chainsaw massacre
  12. Seattle Sounders (–): Sounds of silence
  13. DC United (–): Excellent effort against NYCFC but let their guard down in stoppage time
  14. Orlando City SC (–): Like most Mondays, another MLS weekend of games has gone by and you’re not really sure if Orlando played or not
  15. San Jose ‘Quakes (–): MUCH needed break from soccer
  16. NE Revolution (+2): Caught a game against the Rapids without Timmy Howard and put 2 on the board. Kind of like slipping in a couple jabs against Tyson at the end of the round when he wasn’t looking.
  17. Vancouver Whitecaps (-1): This is getting bad now. Can someone reach out to the management in Vancouver and let them know it’ll get better
  18. Columbus Crew (-1): On the wrong end of two plump peaches of goals. The Crewvival has hit a temporary pause button
  19. Chicago Fire (+1): Technicall speaking Chicago has already been relegated this year but sprinkling in a few lopsided victories never hurt anyone. Assuming you aren’t the Philadelphia Union’s majority owners.
  20. Houston Dynamo (-1): Tough blow for Houston, can’t even enjoy a week off without Chicago blacking out and winning by 3 throwing you into the bottom spot