MLS Power Rankings – Week 24 – The “if I could rank the top 6 teams equally I would” edition:

  1. FC Dallas (–): I don’t know, I guess I’ll keep them on top? Does that phrase still apply here…picking the lesser of 6 evils?
  2. Colorado Rapids (–): And its official. Colorado can’t score. Typically this is not a good strategy for winning the league but with Tim Howard in goal just about anything is possible.
  3. LA Galaxy (–): You could visibly see Steven Gerrard watching his footing. Given his slip history and the fact they were playing in and around warning tracks and first/second base, I get it.
  4. NYCFC (–): Somehow managed to implement  a tactics change out there in the mini grassy knoll in the outfield. That may be the single greatest managerial achievement of Patrick Vieira’s career thus far.
  5. Real Salt Lake (–): Have now officially joined the 6 layer dip that is the battle for top spot in the HotFooty Power Rankings
  6. Toronto FC (–): Toronto is currently in what I like to call “Midtown Mode”. This is when you’re walking through Midtown Manhattan and you keep your head down, headphones on, have a direct route to your target and you get your shit done and get out. Midtown Mode
  7. New York Red Bulls (+1): A draw away from home has to be looked at like a win. When NYRB are not in NY (NJ) they STINK.
  8. Sporting Kansas City (+2): Apparently SKC’s forward Jacob Peterson is nicknamed “The Answer”? Was the question “MLS Forward I’ve never heard of”? Most Kansas City thing I’ve heard since I found out they are the City of Fountains
  9. Philadelphia Union (-2): If one can avoid it, I would advise not playing Toronto when Giovinco and Altidore are white hot
  10. Montreal Impact (-1): Yea they lost 3-0 to Chicago (???????????????) but Drogba’s free-kicks are a pure art form that I’ll never get tired of seeing.
  11. Seattle Sounders (+2): Battle of the Beans wrapped up by Clint Dempsey and his uncanny ability to score from distance with medium paced shots. Lodeiro has poise.
  12. Portland Timbers (–): How long until Portland unleashes the wonder of the Shrimpshire Wanderer Jack Barmby on the league. We need him and he needs to be out there. Win-win
  13. San Jose ‘Quakes (-2): What would you do if you were the San Jose Earthquakes and you just lost to the Houston Dynamo at home? The answer is somewhere between voluntary self-relegation and a name change to the San Jose Gentle Aftershocks
  14. DC United (+1): Before the game against NYRB the DC United twitter account fired off a tweet to NYRB with a picture of their dressing room refrigerator stocked with Monster energy drinks. I don’t know how this usually works but I don’t think the home team should have any access to the away dressing room at least 72 hours before the game. Lot of room for hijinx there.
  15. Orlando City SC (+2): In the “who needs team therapy” power rankings Orlando is currently holding down top spot primarily because they have drawn half of their matches this season. How’s ya morale?
  16. Vancouver Whitecaps (-2): You’ve lost 4 in a row, you’re a soccer team in northwest Canada, you get called for possibly the first penalty re-take in the last decade. What’s getting ya up in the morning?
  17. NE Revolution (-1): All focus, energy, commitment to sport, concentration, clarity of thought, willingness to compete has 100% officially been transferred to the Patriots.
  18. Columbus Crew (–): Won their game against the Revs and looked like they remembered how to play soccer again. Working theory is they played a game in the presence of Kei Kamara and had a case of drunken recall.
  19. Houston Dynamo (–): Dynamost likely a fluke but soak it in while you’re up here where the air is crisp  and you’re beating teams way ahead of you in the standings.
  20. Chicago Fire (–): Unfortunately for Chicago, on the day of their enormous away win against Montreal the two teams above them also had huge wins.