MLS Power Rankings – Week 23 – The “just keep your eyes forward and keep watching don’t worry about that “EPL” thing people keep talking about” edition

  1. FC Dallas (–): If you’re a Dallas fan after their 2-2 draw against SKC you probably feel a little like you do after a night of heavy drinking. You’re not too pleased and you tell yourself it won’t happen again and realize you can make up for it next weekend with a night in sipping hot tea and reading the Canterbury Tales.
  2. Colorado Rapids (–): Rapids really benefited from Tim Howard activating Belgium mode in their game against LA. I don’t want to say it but I’ll say it: even though Gashi scored a stunner is there a goal scoring problem at Colorado?
  3. LA Galaxy (–): Robbie Keane sat this game out with an apparent “facial fracture”. Sounds made up to me. Could have just as easily used “shin imflammation” or “hip ache”.
  4. NYCFC (–): Fantastic finish. Almost. Like someone presented you with a fresh plate of Paella then poured a tub of Hellman’s mayo on it.
  5. Real Salt Lake (–): The legend of Rimando the PK whisperer grew, the legend of RSL the beautiful goal scoring squadron did not.
  6. Toronto FC (+1): Some guy named Jozy Altidore scored a whomper then tried to punch his way into orbit. Toronto’s playoff run has legs as long as Jozy does.
  7. Philadelphia Union (+1): Philly has what you call bi-directional panache. Win 4-0, lose 4-0 they don’t care it had flair.
  8. New York Red Bulls (+1): Credit the Red Bulls travel agent for recommending Montreal fly into Newark airport. That’s the kind of savvy behind the scenes teamwork that wins championships.
  9. Montreal Impact (-3): Newark’d
  10. Sporting Kansas City (–): I would imagine by now the entire fan base of SKC has purchased special altitude chambers, hyperbaric chambers, and whatever else they’ve got in the chamber aisle at each away stadium for use solely by Dom Dwyer. Because if he goes down, yikes.
  11. San Jose ‘Quakes (–): The En Vivo announcer was at it again in the game versus Vancouver. I just really don’t know. I am exhausted thinking about this guy. His level of consistency in loud yelling and repeating phrases has me at 51% soundboard, 49% human at this point.
  12. Portland Timbers (–): The heat clearly through off their bloom process as they were double roasted by air temperature and DC United. Surprised they even came out for second half.
  13. Seattle Sounders (+2): I mean, going from the Lodeiro goal to the Frei flop just makes you wonder is there something larger at work here. Is there a Truman Show sequel being filmed?
  14. Vancouver Whitecaps (-1): In an unusual strategy for a soccer game the Whitecaps decided to show up in this game in the 93rd minute.
  15. DC United (+1): Big time win over Portlandia. Is DC United BACK? No.
  16. NE Revolution (-2): In the Revs’ defense they had to deal with Bedoya and Davies coming onto the field and also the Patriots have started ramping up practice so clearly sporting gods’ focus has shifted
  17. Orlando City SC (–): The Kaka Cyle connection up top needs a counterpart to help in defense. The Boden Hines express lane is way too open.
  18. Columbus Crew (–): Against NYCFC the Crew showed some of that classic Columbus never say die attitude that we’ve become accustom to seeing at no point this season.
  19. Houston Dynamo (–): I don’t know how they did it but they held on for a draw against Toronto. Miracle on Dynamo street.
  20. Chicago Fire (–): For a team on a 15 year plan the 2-2 draw against Orlando wasn’t a bad effort