MLS Power Rankings – Week 22 – The “there’s a guy up north in Canada doing some amazing things” edition.

  1. FC Dallas (–): FCD has played well enough recently to sit back and relax with their feet up (win a CCL game midweek) and maintain their top spot while the rest of the league battles it out.
  2. Colorado Rapids (–): Order restored. Marlon Hairston is officially streaking.
  3. LA Galaxy (–): Finally executed their play from training titled the “Gerard to Cole Goal” to tie this game up late. This play is a little neater than the “Gerard to De Jong Don’t Worry About The Ball Just Take Someone’s Knees Out”.
  4. NYCFC (–): Good away result in the end, not a great game at their own end. Shout out to Chanot, great game out there.
  5. Real Salt Lake (–): It may be safe to say that RSL are the team blessed with the most ruthless shooters in the MLS. Either that or the opposing team’s goalie has an ocular allergy to real salt.
  6. Montreal Impact (–): Well it looks like Matteo Mancosu has been benefiting from some 1 on 1 learning sessions with Didier Drogba
  7. Toronto FC (+3): Quick note to the rest of the league: Daddy’s home…7 goals and 3 assists in the last 4 games for Giovinco. All four have been wins for Toronto.
  8. Philadelphia Union (-1): After going up a goal with a little over 30 minutes left against DC they sat back, motionless in their own area waiting for it to be over. Much like you would after eating a Jim’s Steaks cheesewhiz steak. And much like the whiz steak, it didn’t work. 2-2 finish.
  9. New York Red Bulls (–): Jessie Marsch overheard screaming as he got kicked out late for arguing two non-penalty calls “What is this the SNUBhub Center??” as he was escorted out of the Galaxy’s StubHub Center.
  10. Sporting Kansas City (-2): SKC off the rails in their game against Portland. First they traded red cards then they traded away their defense and let in 3 second half goals.
  11. San Jose ‘Quakes (–): Probably should have won their game against NYCFC but they just happen to be an away team juggernaut. And San Jose’s chances mostly fell to Wondo, so
  12. Portland Timbers (+1): I believe what I’m about to say approximately 75%. Portland knew after getting a 12th minute straight red against them if they just hung on for a bit there was a good shot SKC would also get a red card because that’s just how things work here. Then they dropped a second half hammer with a few dandies.
  13. Vancouver Whitecaps (-1): Their game against the Rapids appeared more gratuitous ceremony than match-up of equals.
  14. NE Revolution (–): Revs more interested in on field hand to hand combat than stopping opposing offenses from scoring.
  15. Seattle Sounders (+2): The fans of Seattle need to ask themselves are they OK with their new found pass master Jordan Morris or do they want scoring Jordan back? We examine more in depth here.
  16. DC United (–): Full credit to DC for sticking around in their game against Philly. Ton of pressure until the end and it paid off.
  17. Orlando City SC (-2): Here’s how you know its probably not your night: this somehow didn’t go in
  18. Columbus Crew (–): No game this week as the Crew have officially been mid-season relegated.
  19. Houston Dynamo (–): If it wasn’t for these pesky scorelines where they keep having less goals than the other team you might be able to have some positive thoughts about this team since the new manager took over
  20. Chicago Fire (–): Unfortunately for Chicago the referee for their game against RSL is not a huge Oliver Stone guy and has never seen the movie JFK. There is no way he calls that penalty if he has seen the “back and to the left” scene