MLS Power Rankings – Week 17 – Fourth of July weekend. The games were spread out like a condiment display and the goals were flowing like the bud heavies and rosé all day.

  1. Colorado Rapids (–): They may not have won their game against Portland but at the same time they were victorious. Tim Howard made his debut and Jermaine “What Can’t I Do” Jones returns from USMNT action. Still top here.
  2. FC Dallas (–): Dallas is officially dancing. This just looked like fun for them. Like practice where the defense isn’t allowed to tackle you. Could have been 6
  3. LA Galaxy (–): Oh yes Robbie Keane. I thought there was a chance he was a flight risk after having to return to MLS after a successful run with Ireland at Euros. Whoever talked him off that ledge, it was all worth it. Not to be outdone though, the referee in this one somehow sent off De Jong for pointing to his bloody lip
  4. Real Salt Lake (+1): Scintillating display from Burrito and Plata yet they managed to somehow toss this game directly into the garbage can.
  5. Montreal Impact (+2): Drogba didn’t play in this one but they still managed 3 goals. Knowing Didier I am sure he celebrated this win and was happy for the boys. Looking forward to his response next game, unless its on turf. In which case he will be neck deep in poutine in the owners box.
  6. Philadelphia Union (-2): I just don’t know Philly. They want more respect but then they go ahead and lose 1-0 to the Houston Dynamo. How is anyone supposed to take you seriously?
  7. NYCFC (+3): Well well Jack Harrison. Former Manchester United youth player. Is it a coincidence he displayed poise, excellence and a winning attitude after having been a part of a poised, excellent and dominant team for so long?
  8. San Jose ‘Quakes (-2): The Quakes may have lost to the worst team in the league this week but once again their commentating team put on an electric performance. There was yelling, unjustified excitement, play calling on what seemed like a 5 second delay. It had it all
  9. New York Red Bulls (-1): Absolutely disgusting display by Chris Duvall. This isn’t Bloodsport. This is Andre Pirlo in the midfield in NYC have some respect.
  10. Toronto FC (-1): Ya, they should have scored 2 within 20 minutes. And they should have been able to keep the lead for more than 1 minute. And right here in this spot would be where you put the positive, silver lining type statement but they aren’t exactly presenting themselves at the moment…Jordan Hamilton looked OK?
  11. Sporting Kansas City (+2): Zusi, Besler with goals to win this game. That’s great. Couldn’t have sprinkled a little bit of that magic into the Copa though guys?
  12. Vancouver Whitecaps (–): Stat of the week: 27 shots and only 4 on target. Sometimes midweek practice drills just write themselves
  13. Portland Timbers (+1): An acceptable display against our #1 ranked team. Given the circumstances this was probably the best result they could reasonably have achieved.
  14. Orlando City SC (-3): A loopy, incoherent almost comical performance undeserving of any more words than I’ve already typed.
  15. DC United (–): A mark of a champion is not playing well yet winning the game. In this case we have a team that played terrible and tied it up in the 91st minute. Sounds like DC is throwing their hat in the ring for sign of a 10th place team.
  16. NE Revolution (–): They may have lost this one in stunning fashion by going up two goals then giving up 3 in 15 minutes, but they did win the weekly ‘best guy named Kamara’ performance. Fair play to the others: Alhaji Kamara, Ola Kamara and Hassoun Camara
  17. Seattle Sounders (–): No Dempsey return yet and they looked awful in the first half. Some life was injected as Jordan Morris carried the squad on his shoulders and lord knows he has the capacity for it. Rating on his goal was a 7/10, more credit for setting himself up than the actual strike itself.
  18. Columbus Crew (–): Ola Kamara had a chance to cement himself as best Kamara for the week.  Yes, he had two goals but he blew a sitter and when you’re playing for the Columbus Crew you cannot miss those because giving up extra time winners is an all too common occurrence
  19. Houston Dynamo (–): Dynamomentous end to this game with a fantastic dive and an even better free-kick to wrap it up.
  20. Chicago Fire (–): And the question on everyone’s mind: If mid-season relegation were a thing would this win have been enough to give them another week?