The conference semifinals start today at 3pm as Montreal Impact take on the New York Red Bulls.

I attended a lovely Halloween/Birthday party at Hoff’s where I consumed a flask of bourbon, two glasses of white white wine and drank Tony Negronis out of a pumpkin cup. Surprisingly, I woke up this morning free of a headache, albeit a little fuzzy brained. So I took a nap because I wanted to be ready to watch MLS playoffs with a clear head.

I just woke up and dipped chocolate straws into Nutella like a god damn animal. The sugar is working its way into my bloodstream and now I am ready to write a post!

After last weeks knockout round which made my head spin with games being called in Spanish on Univison, I am looking forward to watching the top teams get back on the pitch.

It really is unfair what the MLS Playoffs are going up against right now.

  • World Series
  • Start of NBA Season (I would rather watch MLS)
  • NFL
  • …English Premier League

I had to watch the first night of games at my parents house because I was up in Boston for work. My dad is a baseball fanatic and god bless him he would let me switch over now and then to check the score of Toronto FC vs. Philadelphia Union. Personally, I wanted to watch World Series as well…it’s the Cubs!

So, if I did linger on the MLS too long my dad would say “Hey HotFooty, enough!”

Anyways, the LA Galaxy v. Real Salt Lake game came on after the WS Game and I was unable to switch SAP to English on my Verizon FIOS TV and this cleared my brother, cousin and father out of the basement like a fart in an elevator. Absolutely absurd moment as I was defending the legitimacy of the MLS the entire night. So pissed at Don Garber for making me look like a fucking fool.

Adding insult to injury, MLS puts together this horse shit video to try to make light of a ridiculously pathetic situation.

Is this how the MLS sees their target customer? A hipster doofus who lives alone in a tiny apartment? Granted if I never met my wife and somehow had the ability to grow facial hair I wouldn’t be far off from this, but still…GFY!

I will say this: the Spanish broadcasters had an amazing energy and found a way to make completely boring situations exciting. But this was a late night game I don’t need to be clicking through Rosetta Stone – Spanish. I loved the proper pronunciation of Joao Plata though.

Night 1 of the knockout round:

Toronto FC 3-1 Phildelphia Union

LA Galaxy 3-1 Real Salt Lake

Night two of the knockout round was a little bit more interesting with Montreal blowing up DC United 4 – 2, while Didier Drogba was sipping wine coolers. On last weeks podcast this was the only match that we had to argue over. It is official Montreal now gets to stake full claim to Pierre Charles L’Enfant. He may have created your infrastructure DC, but his allegiance is with his common tongue in the north!

I was gearing up for the Seattle game but I had a couple of Gulden Draaks (10.5% abv) so I nodded off around the 23rd minute. It was slow a game…so I took a little 11 pm nap because this clearly wasn’t going anywhere. Not before I replied to this hilarious tweet which also melted me because I miss Alan Rickman.

 

So I had to respond with my own cheeky comment…

Welp, aren’t I the ignorant dick! Thanks to TheCultureVulture for schooling me on the MLS Broadcast schedule…it’s not like I help run a soccer blog/podcast or anything.

Seriously, wouldn’t one a assume that if the late game the previous night was only on Univision and you found the late game the following night on Univision…that this would be your only option. What the hell is going on! Was Galaxy vs. Real Salt Lake on FS1 Wednesday Night? What is happening?

Anyways Seattle Sounders stunned Sporting KC in the final minutes on a header from Nelson Valdez which resulted in 1-0 win for the neon greens.

Great ending. Very Exciting! That being said I have a little problem with Nelson Valdez crying like the game was over. I understand the excitement. I would have certainly gotten misty if I could possibly be the man who helps send my heavily scrutinized club to the playoffs. But I like to think I would get jacked up and tell the defenders to fall back and protect the house like a screaming maniac.

I am not hating. I get it he’s emotional and that’s awesome…I’m just saying…

This game was a win for the MLS against NFL because those asshats put up Jaguars vs. Titans….let that sink in. Not only is that game a heaping pile of manure they stuck the Jags in this mustard monstrosity:

Seriously Goodell you just got faced by Garber!

We have a big Sunday of MLS Conference Semifinals  and NFL is airing New Orleans Saints vs. Seattle Seahawks  and Jets vs. Browns in NYC. Not the Patriots? Put your best product out there, no? Hate them or love them, you watch them.

Go MLS! Go MLS! Watch your back Goodell, you could be the next Isoroku Yamamoto.

MLS VS NFL

Anyways, MLS has their top clubs back on the pitch. So post up on your couch and enjoy the show.

Montreal v. Red Bulls 3pm (ESPN)

Galaxy v. Rapids 5pm (ESPN)

Toronto FC v. NYCFC 7pm (FS1)

Seattle v. FC Dallas 9:30pm (FS1)

Good luck to our favorites David Villa, Kevin Doyle & Jordan Morris. Keep winning so we can keep talking about you.

P.S. Liverpool is playing out of their skin right now and I cant have NYCFC screwing up my mojo. Let’s go! New York is Magenta! Combination of Red and Blue. #harmony #peace #gfy

P.S.S – Happy Birthday Hoff from David Villa

Villa Happy Birthday Hoff