The New York Red Bulls played a first place FC Dallas team over the weekend. The Red Bulls of recent last place, can’t score, and give up way too many goals fame. The team had clearly developed a tolerance to niacin and B-group vitamins and was way underperforming versus expectations. Spirits have been kept high despite some awful results and it has shown in the last two games: 7 goals for and 2 against. Either they’ve found a new strain of taurine to inject into red bull or Grella is getting his groove back and it is subsequently lifting the rest of the team. Apparently they’ve been working on some sneaky free kicks to numb the pain of starting the season losing 6 out of 7. I don’t know what the hell this thing is they made happen in the Dallas game but it worked out spectacularly. Vintage MLS stuff:
The NYRB 3 Step Process for Scoring Elaborate Free Kick Goals
Step 1: Initial Setup – a minimum of 4 guys around the ball in an isosceles triangle formation. Tip of the triangle exists solely to stare at the base and strike fear into them to not mess up this wild set piece performed in a professional match of soccer. You also want to create an isolation situation on the opposite side of the field, this will come in handy in step 2. lastly, and this is strictly for bonus, you want to force a defender into a Dick Butkus style pre-snap ready position.
Step 2: The Heist – next up is an Ocean’s 11 inspired moment of misdirection and charismatic thievery capped off by a move only referred to as “the Misbehavior of Mike Grella”. Borrowed from the arm waving fervor of in-state rival Tommy McNamara its all arms in up position to maximize confusion levels. This clearly worked wonders on Butkus who is flagged for encroachment as well as creates a momentary delay for Ronald Zubar to set a massive pick on the Dallas defender.
Step 3: The Finish – we now have all elements in place to capitalize on the moment of mass illusion. The aforementioned isosceles now goes into full dispersion mode, the pick is set and frees up your outside guy to which the ball is delivered with Charmin softness. All along the set up process has been waiting to exploit the canyon of space naturally carved out between the wall and the goalie on free kicks from this distance. This all went so smooth you almost have to think Dallas was in on it.
And here is the goal in its entirety. Beautiful, majestic, confusing, borderline reckless, exquisite.