What a season it was for our first full year of coverage of MLS. We’re so close to the end. These posts are a recap of the HotFooty Top 5 HotFooty MLS Moments. Here is #2:
HotFooty Moment #2
Here at HotFooty we’ve got a special spot in our hearts for Jordan Morris aka JMO Smooth. Yea the spot requires a custom made entry way to accommodate a wide upper level girth but its there. There’s one thing that undeniable about JMO Smooth and that is he always finds a way to get shit done and he has shown he doesn’t always require two functioning patella’s to do it. We spent a lot of time on Jordan and even dedicated the second day of the work week to Tuesdays With Morris and here are some of the highlights:
“I’m not a law guy so correct me if I’m wrong but this blog post is serving as my subpoena: Jordan we’ll need your alibi for the time between your last two games. We have reason to believe you’ve had performance enhancing motion-control algorithms and up to four solid-state gyroscopes implanted into your spinal region. Understandably reading this accusation for the first time, one’s initial reaction might be what? Aren’t you just describing the technology behind the ground breaking transportation device called a segway? Yes that’s exactly what I’m describing. Other working theories are Jordan somehow got himself into whatever the next pilot program is that Elon Musk is launching for brain-computer neural lace interface technology”
“We all saw it. Sunday night Jordan Morris broke knee bones we didn’t even know existed. He single-handedly coined the phrase “knee-plant” and there was no blooming in this version either other than the severe, probably dangerous level of swelling of what somehow turned out to be the most emotionally influential joints in all of Colorado that night.
I’m a guy that appreciates the small things in life. Like when you get the last English muffin and you can just rip open the plastic instead of navigating a twisted up loop held together by a plastic fastener as reliable as the front zipper on your last TSA agent’s dungarees. So when I saw Jordan crash knee first into the frozen tundra Colorado passes off as a soccer field I thought OK nice there’s one for my side. Let me dive into my Morris archives and fire out a quick one liner on his jib-boom swinging starboard losing adequate sail mass to keep forward motion.”
Bonus Podcast audio:
— Dice (@hotfootydice) December 9, 2016