Dear Dice-
First time writer, long time reader. Let me just say thanks for doing what you do. I’ll get right into it, here’s my dilemma: I have a big soccer game coming up this weekend against one of our rivals (at least thats what they tell me). I want to make sure I look my best and my hair is as generous as ever. Also if you have any tips for winning the game, I’m all follicles.

Thanks,
Shmandrea Shmirlo

 

Shmandrea-
I appreciate the kind words. It comes down to people like yourself to keep me motivated to further the grace and majesty of this thing we call life. Let me just say I think I know exactly what you’re getting at here. While spring can be a wonderful time of year it is also a trying time when it comes to hairstyling. Even a giant stadium-like enclosure can’t protect your mousse induced heavenly flowjob. And as the weather deteriorates and humidity intensifies, so does your fight with frizz. My advice is to heavily apply some anti-humidity spray, perform ample amounts of hair flips, and just dare that frizz to show up. I like your attitude and I’d say you have the upper hand here.

Without knowing much about your opponents playing stlye, I will offer up a few general tips. First, hopefully whatever field you’re playing on is tight and you can crowd the midfield with a bunch of guys to break up their midfield maestro, if they have one. Second, if your team has any strong, fast wingers then play them. Third, use your pace and technical ability in the final third to apply as much pressure as possible. Don’ t be afraid to play some longer balls, bypassing the greater part of the midfield, directly to your guys up top.

Now go do that voodoo that you do so well. Good luck out there.

-Dice