Soccer jerseys are on everyone’s mind. A player’s uniform, which is typically called a kit in the soccer world, are altered and updated every year by the clubs around the world. Kit releases are massive, kit sneak peaks and leaks are a never ending marketers nightmare, new logos can wreak havoc on PR teams, journalists, and fans alike, and forget about trying to keep track of the the hundreds of kits floating around every league and who sponsors who. HotFooty is here to help you out though. We’ve gone ahead and ranked the best premier league jerseys for 2017.
20. West Ham
I’m not sure what to say here. There’s zero redeeming factors to talk about. These will end up in the local Goodwill at the end of the season. Especially at the end of this season. Actually probably in the middle of this season. I’m sorry Hammers and fans, but you guys need a new design team. And midfield.
19. Stoke City
It’s pajama time. I almost put these in last, but if you look closely at the dude in the middle, you can tell how sad these jerseys really make him. Look at that face! Utter disappointment. Maybe shock. The guy on the right can’t even look at me. I felt for them, so they get 19th.
19*. Liverpool Third Jersey
Ok, these are just as bad as the Sunderland jerseys. Had to make an exception to the ranking game. Just no imagination here at all. The look on the players’ faces says it all. Try again New Balance
18. Hull City
I feel a bit bad putting these all the way down at 18, because you can tell they really tried. It fits their “thing” they have going on. But you couldn’t catch me dead wearing these unless I was part owner of the team. Sorry, no, Majority owner. And are they for real with the shoe choices for this release photo? Utter crap, though they didn’t have a manager to start the year, soooo pick your battles I guess. Go with something a little more subtle next year, if you make it to next year (cough, relegation station, wink)
17. Crystal Palace
If you’d like to look like a guard at the Vatican, look no further. This is actually better than in years past, but still, not down with it.
Ever pictured a candy cane throwing up on a surfboard? Now you have. Bar Raised? Bar closed. You’re drunk Under Armour. Go home, take some long showers, and show up next year.
Ok you’ve probably noticed a pattern. I don’t love vertical stripes, especially red ones. Very few teams can get away with bold vertical stripes, Juventus being one, but these are just uninspired. Sorry Gooch, not your fault. The third kits aren’t terrible, but just eh.
They aren’t that dissimilar to West Hams, but they have a bit more jazz, the colors are more composed and distinct, and Burnley just looks stoked as f*ck to be soccer players. So I’m giving them a bit of a bump, especially with all the candy canes up above.
13. West Brom
Back to vertical stripes we go. These are a touch better simply because it’s black and white. The crew collar gives it a little more punch. Plus, this photo is all sorts of ridiculous. But there’s something kind of important about these jerseys. They say “I’ve been recently electrocuted.”
I’m sorry, I know people like these for the “simplicity” but they just remind me of something that the kids worse in gym class in Dazed and Confused. And Harry Kane just looks creepy as hell in that picture. “Alright alright its-tight.” And what’s up with the shirt not matching the shorts correctly? I don’t totally hate the all navy blue one, but everything else is just a step in the wrong direction. Sorry Under Armour.
These are slightly nicer pajamas. The white jersey is pretty boring, but kind of classic so it’s alright. The blue jersey has a nice sheen to it, which is why they nudge up to 11 over Tottenham. That oval v-neck though is kind of ridiculous, which is why they can’t possibly go any higher than 11. Look how smug these dudes look though. Your kit is just OK guys, relax.
10. Leicester City
These are Chelsea with a slightly better shoulder and collar. Not much to say here other than why does Jamie Vardy (guy on the right) look like he was dragged to this photo shoot from a crack den?
Is it odd that I thought this was a picture of Ryan Gosling and Seal? Joma gets high marks from me for those white Jerseys. Super classy. Love the band collar with polo-style placket. Bit longer sleeves but narrow fit on the arm. Well done.
But Seal in teal? No thanks.
I wish I could rank these higher, I really do. Arsenal makes such a big deal of their kit launches each year you’d think they had actually won something. The black and yellow jersey, which looks very tight in person, has some swagger to it. The details of the construction are well put together. But for the Home kits what are they thinking with that reddish strip down the front of these things? And the awkward boxed v-neck that starts off the red strip? No thanks. It’s a very high quality kit material-wise, sure, but it looks like what a Lego-person would design. A Lego-person who likes to paint themselves after a workout.
These guys are no mouth breathers. Ok, maybe they are a bit on the pitch this year, but at least they look put together. This is a rare vertical stripe combo that I can dig. The stripes aren’t too wide, the colors have some kick to them. Also, the collar is really well done. Long thin placket with a thin spread collar. Excellent. The second jersey gets them up to 7 though. Modern but with some class, and the color combo is top banana.
I can’t even believe myself, putting Watford in the top 6, but here we are. I’m not even sure I like these jerseys. There is just something striking about that yellow that hits your right in the face. The tiny collar with the contrast red buttons. This is one of those cases where ugly = fashion. It’s like when you see Kanye west wearing a duvet cover as an overcoat and you’re like WTF, but then six months later you are shopping for duvet jackets at Macy’s.
5. Manchester City
Let’s be honest with each other here, These are the same damn Nike jerseys that nearly every Nike sponsored team wore this year. The colors are switched up, maybe with a bit more panache in the pattern. But damn do those black ones look sick. The blue ones I could take or leave, but the black ones get my giblets firing on all cylinders. Also, not sure if you’ve ever felt one of the on-field ones in person, but they’re very nice quality.
There’s something very simple but elegant about these jerseys. Maybe i’m being swayed by the sponsorship logo partly, but these jerseys are just kinda classy. If they had maybe a slight bit more detail around the collar these could have gone number one. Love the black ones too, although the secondary color choice of peach surprised me. A good surprise though, like when you get on the subway and it doesn’t smell like sh*t.
Ugh. I didn’t’ want to like these as much as I do. They’re so plain, but the subtle detail in the fabric pattern, the simplicity of the design, and the sophistication of the collars, make these arguably the most wearable but fashionable jersey in the league. Those ugly logos though hamper it a bit.
Middlesbrough is not a very good EPL team. But they’re jerseys are very very interesting. I can’t tell exactly why I like these so much. Maybe it’s a bit Americanized? But both the home and away jerseys get my juices percolating. The low diagonal sash-stripe thing on the home jerseys is so oddly placed, but it somehow works. And the away jerseys strong accent across the chest (which may be an ode to the classic 2014 Germany World Cup kits), you just know these guys are pumped to be wearing these.
1. Manchester United
I know I know. I’m not a Man U fan at all. Not in the slightest. But I think they hit a home run with these kits this year. They’re simple enough where you won’t look foolish wearing them anywhere, but athletic enough to give you some confidence on the pitch. I even don’t hate the chevy logo across the chest. All three options have subtle details that really make the jerseys work. Stylish, athletic, classic in a modern sense, very clearly a soccer jersey without trying too hard in any one direction. Damnit.