GOOCH. We’ve got a Gooch in the wings and I bet most people don’t even know it.

I will immediately address the rumors surrounding Lynden. Gooch is in fact his real last name he did not get this name by having an affinity to italian luxury brand leather goods. Here’s a true one, he wears the number 46 because that is the maximum amount of “GOOOCH” chants you can fit into a single game of soccer. Lastly I can say with 75% certainty that David Moyes’ reason for including Lynden in the opening match of the 2016-2017 EPL season against Man City was NOT because he was actually saying “coach” in a scottish accent and Gooch took it and ran with it. 65%.

A fun fact is he was born on christmas eve so he not only basically shares a birthday with jesus but he ALSO has a last name that reminds you of the holy.

For all these reasons, and a few more below, Brooklyn Brucey and the USMNT need to include him in their plans going forward. Lynden is unfortunately sidelined currently due to an ankle issue but that should not change a thing for WC Qualifying plans this year.

Including Gooch would be a major step up in the hair game for the USMNT midfield. If Bruce is smart he brings some of that Nassau County style he’s known for along with some tricks he picked up in LaLa land. Look at this:

Lynden Gooch USMNT

Now look at this:Lynden Gooch USMNT

Lynden Gooch USMNT

Lynden Gooch USMNT

Lynden is quick and strong and fearless and has the natural ability that can carry out the wills of his soccer brain. He’s like a Gattuso in the streets and a Kaka in the sheets. Basically the reincarnation of the engine room of the mid 2000s AC Milan dynasty.

Let us all now wish Gooch a speedy recovery, a non-relegation EPL season with your Body is a Sunderland and several USMNT appearances. Here is a highlight clip from his time on loan at Doncaster Rovers: