Goal celebrations…no, scoring celebrations in the world of sports have reached a point of absurdity. Adam Lallana’s celebration with Roberto Firimino was the final straw for me.

After Firmino’s goal against Stoke this week, Adam Lallana pounced on the back-peddaling goal scorer like a a horny lemur.

Firmino has had a calf injury and Lallana has been struggling with a groin injury…WTF! The only celebration that could have been worse for these two is to have jumped onto a sheet of ice with pogo sticks trying to do mid-air splits.

That being said the two worst celebrations in sports are to jump onto the back of an unsuspecting person or to chase him/her while trying to drag them to the ground.

Hey, I have an idea. Let’s have two people jump on our most important player’s spinal cord!

Stack ’em till you crack ’em Tottenham.  Real smart!

I can’t breathe, but add more guys because its fun to slip a disc!

Meanwhile the NFL has taken strides to eliminate teams dancing together or using the ball as a prop? How about using the scorer like a scratching post…let’s eliminate that one.

I am also over the kneeling slide. How many times does a player’s knee get snagged and they pop up awkwardly and act like they meant to do that. Do we need knee caps to start flying into that stands like an errant slap shot for this to stop?

I think it is time to take a page (yet again) from the USWNT. Big group hugs. They work in hockey. Just gather around your scorer and hug them. Then return to the center of the field and try to do it again…for the love of god!